Mustard Tree

I grew up in Christian shoes. In fact, I think I may have been born with Christian shoes on. But I certainly remember always having the sense of structure, boundary and support in my spiritual walk while I was in formal religion.

I like to think that I grew, and needed new shoes from time to time, as I made the transition from Church of England, to no church, to Church of Ireland, to independent evangelical with occasional Catholic flirtations, and now to complete independence from a formal position or group or doctrine.

I outgrew the shoes that the institutions could offer. When your shoes get too small, three things can happen:

• You suffer a lot of pain
• You stop walking
• You get bent out of shape

Actually, they all happen simultaneously. My solution has been to go barefoot.

This has a number of difficulties. The road is very hard, and my feet get cut a lot. I don't feel like walking some days, because my feet hurt and I have to let them mend. There's no support either. But, over the longer run, they start to toughen up, and I find that I notice the road less, and the view more. My head comes up, my back relaxes into a healthier curve and I look travellers in the eye. I'm more sensitive to the damage I might do by treading on someone else's toes, so I don't do quite so much blundering.

I also choose my directions more carefully, because steps take effort and I don't want to waste any. And I can still carry my Christian shoes slung around my shoulders, for moments when the road is too hot or dangerous for me. Perhaps one day I'll be able to leave them behind completely. For now, my feet are becoming beautiful on the mountain.